Pre-Wedding Mania

Two weeks. Less than fourteen days. 336 hours.

Then everything we've been planning, paying for, and picturing for the past year becomes a reality.

It's surreal to think that the culmination of dozens of wedding planning meetings, checks written, and Pinterest daydreaming will all be over in one weekend. In a flurry of tulle and champagne, I go from a fervent bride to an exhausted wife. Oh, what a relieving transition that will be.

While it seems like I've been planning this wedding for the better part of a century, somehow when I look at the countdown on my lock screen, "13 days" seems impossibly soon. Between the chaos of building a house mid-supply and labor shortage and still being in year one of self-employment, time slips by before I can even check the date. It seems like time has been passing in three-day increments.

Since my last post, we've dealt with subcontractors who don't show up, missing appliances, incorrect tile installation, dead lawns, and three pushed closing dates.

Oh, and an off-center bathroom vanity. This will only drive me a little insane.

As far as the wedding, I've learned a ton as we get towards the end of this entire process.

The first is that I hate the concept of a "wedding body". The idea that during one of the most stressful life events, a woman is supposed to simultaneously reach a physical peak is absolutely asinine. I'm on DEFCON 10 at all times these days, counting carbs is the last thing that comes to mind.

More often than not, I end up with a small window of free time and a long list of tasks to fit into it. If I have to choose between getting work done (that pays my bills), planning my impending nuptials, progressing the home I need to live in, or going to the gym - it's pretty clear which one falls to the bottom of the totem pole.

At first, I really struggled with that. I wanted to be in my peak physical shape on my wedding day. Confident and toned and all that stuff that the internet says I should be as a bride. I thought I could truly do it all. Juggling the three mountains in my life has proven to be all I have the capacity for. Some days, I can't even do that.

There's so much pressure to make everything perfect, but even more so is the pressure to be perfect. I've changed my hair three times this month. Whatever I do, however I look, will forever be cemented in my wedding photos. Arguably some of the most important photos you'll ever take. Do I get a spray tan or not? Do I cut my hair or not? How soon should I get my last facial so I don't break out? Am I seriously worrying about these things?

(Kim, there's people that are dying.)

While we're being honest, let's talk about what the weeks leading up to your wedding really look like. You'll be surrounded by showers and food tastings and other events with delicious food. You'll be drinking more caffeine than ever before, which makes you a little dehydrated and dull-skinned. You'll be up late thinking about how on earth you're going to transport your multiple outfit changes to the hotel before the wedding and then wake up with dark circles because of the three hours of sleep. You'll end up bloated because of the lack of sleep and breaking out because of the hours spent poring over wedding spreadsheets with your hand on your chin. Too specific? Too honest? Pinterest never prepared me for this, so allow me to help you.

The world doesn't stop turning because you have a big event coming up. No one moves your deadlines because the appliance you ordered is MIA and you really need to track it down. The days won't last longer than 24 hours no matter how often I will them too. As I write this, it's 1:00 am and I don't see sleep in sight.

On the topic of the world's lack of sympathy for my wedding planning woes, we have the abundance of opinions that come with any major life event. Some think things are too modern and frivolous for a wedding, some think things are too boring and traditional. Then there's the worst kind of person who says things like, "I wouldn't do that, but it's not my wedding." Seriously, my self-restraint is level ten.

After you get all of the opinions, you realize people love to talk and hate to follow instructions. Right around the time you start to send out RSVPs, you realize this. The RSVP envelopes are detailed, specific to each guest with personalized information, driving directions, hotel information, and ceremony times. As soon as they land in people's mailboxes, you'll get a flood of questions as if the card said nothing more than: "There will be a wedding. People will attend. It will happen in the near future. That is all."

Other than that, there's an overwhelming feeling of responsibility to provide an amazing night for everyone who cleared their schedule and squeezed into their Spanx for you. High school friends, second cousins, old coworkers and so many more are coming to watch me declare my love to some guy I met on the internet.

Okay, he's a little more important than that. But I live for the drama.

The point is that I want everyone to enjoy themselves more than they have ever enjoyed themselves before. I don't want anyone to be bored waiting on me to finish taking photos, I don't want anyone to complain that our chicken is too dry, I don't want anyone to think we didn't provide enough dessert options. Although with four, I'm pretty sure we'll be fine.

I know I'm borrowing trouble because half the fun of attending someone else's wedding is pretending to be a judge on some terrible reality show and critiquing it. Essentially, if there's something to worry about these days, odds are I've lost sleep over it.

I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the magnitude of this one day. I think it's because I don't really believe that we should put so much emphasis on the day itself. It's going to be a beautiful party and I can't wait to show my handsome husband off to 200 of our closest friends, but it's just a day. In 24 hours, it will come and go.

What I'm really excited about are all the days after that one. Every day I get to introduce myself as Mrs. Ruder or hear Austin introduce me as his wife. Every time we get to say goodnight instead of goodbye. All the life decisions I never have to make on my own again.

Our wedding will be very special, but I am the most excited about our marriage.